Chemist's last wordsbrbr1) And now the tasting test ...br2) And now shake it a bit ...br3) In which glass was my mineral water?br4) Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?br5) And now the detonating gas problem.br6) This is a completely safe experimental setup.br7) Now you can take the protection window away ...br8) Where do all those holes in my kettle come from?br9) And now a cigarette ...

You have just received the Amish virus. Since we have no electricity or computers, you are on the honor system. Please forward this message to everyone in your address book and then delete all files on your hard drive.brbrThank you.

Yo momma is so dumb she threw a stone at the ground and missed.

These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse Jo

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a small boy tying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the doorbell is just out of his reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the

Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, Good morning, Lord, And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, Good Lord, it's morning.

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions of Ireland with no running water, no electricity, none of the creature comforts. One night, Mikes' wife goes into labor. The local doctor is there in attendance. What d'ya want me to do, Doctor? Hold the lantern, Mikey. H

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."brbrWell, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses, as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."brbrHe knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this ... a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences."

What is a man's idea of doing housework?brbrLifting his leg so you can vacuum.

Yo momma's glasses are so thick, she can see into the future.