Archive for the ‘ odds and ends ’ Category

Natalie had three very active young sons and they were quite a handful. One …

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  • Posted September 3, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Natalie had three very active young sons and they were quite a handful. One summer evening she was playing cowboys and Indians with them in her front garden when one of the boys "shot" her and shouted "Bang! You're dead, Mum," so Natalie fell down.

Her next door neighbour had been watching all this and when Natalie didn't get up straight away, he ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.

When the neighbour bent over her, Natalie opened one eye and said to him, "Shhh. Please don't give me away, it's the only chance I've had to have a rest all day."
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What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany’s best …

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What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany's best comedian?

Only the first one can make you smile.
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New Student

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It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me death?" She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that
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If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits the ground …

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If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits the ground first?

The brunette, because the blonde has to ask directions on the way down.
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Pleasing?

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When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, “Son, when
you grow up, you can marry any girl you please.”

When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I
could not please any of them.

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More Oneliners…

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The school should pay me to skip class. Call it a "tuition refund", if you will. A Pessimist is what an Optimist calls a Realist. I was wondering where my boomerang had landed - and then it came to me. There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax. Scars: Tattoos with better stories. Lo
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Flying Oneliners

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"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
-- At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire." "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the o
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There are different ways to enjoy sex after marriage. …

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There are different ways to enjoy sex after marriage.

1) Smurf Sex: This happens during the honey-moon, you both keep it up until you're blue in your faces.

2) Kitchen Sex: This is at the beginning of the marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime.

3) Bedroom Sex: You've calmed down a bit, perhaps you have kids, so you got to do it in bedroom.

4) Hallway Sex: This is where you pass each other in the hallway and say: "Fuck you!"

5) Courtroom Sex: This is when you get divorced and the bitch fucks you before the judge and everyone else in court!
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Yo momma is so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.

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  • Posted September 2, 2010 at 11:59 pm
Yo momma is so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.
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A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a …

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A doctor, a lawyer and a manager were discussing the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress. The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all sorts of legal problems."

The doctor says: "It's better to have a wife because the sense of security lowers your stress and is good for your health."

The manager says: "You're both wrong. It's best to have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife - you can go to the office and do some work.
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