Archive for November, 2011

A woman finds a genie's lamp. The Genie comes out and says, "You may have three wishes, but your husband will get ten times more than what you wished for."

The woman agrees. Her first wish was that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world. "You realize," the Genie said, "that your husband will be ten times more beautiful than you, and more women will gawk at him?"

"That's okay," says the woman, "He'll only look at me because I will be the most beautiful women." So the wish is granted.

Her second wish was that she would be the richest woman in the world. "You know your husband will be ten times richer, right?" the Genie asks.

"That's okay. What's mine is his and what's his is mine," replied the woman. So the wish was granted.

The woman then thinks long and hard about her last wish. She finally wishes that she had a mild heart attack.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette went into a farm to steal chickens. The police were nearby and they heard them and came in. The girls quickly jumped into three potato sacks so they wouldn't be seen.

One policeman kicked the sack with the redhead, and she said "meow" pretending to be a cat.

He kicked the second one with the brunette, and she said "ruff", pretending to be a dog.

When he kicked the third sack with the blonde, she said "potatoes".
Tammy bought a new book recently entitled "What Twenty Million American Women Want."

Seeing the title, Doug grabbed the book out of her hand and started thumbing through the pages.

Astonished and not just a little bit irritated, Tammy stared up at him and said, "What in the world are you doing?"

Doug replies, "I just want to see if they've got my name spelled right."

Why do so many women fake orgasm?

Why do so many women fake orgasm?

Because so many men fake foreplay.

“Mommy, Mommy! Can Sheldon come out and play baseball with us?

"Mommy, Mommy! Can Sheldon come out and play baseball with us?"

"You already know your little brother has no arms and legs!"

"Yeah, we know. We just wanna use him for second base."
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules.

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"

His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an advert in the paper which outlined her requirements.

She wanted a man who:
1. would treat her nicely.
2. Wouldn't run away from her.
3. Would be good in bed.

Then one day, she heard the doorbell ring and answered it. On the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.

The man says: "I'm here about the advert you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."

The lady says: "Yes, but are you good in bed?"

The man asks: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

Little Johnny: “I’m not going back to school ever again!” …

Little Johnny: "I'm not going back to school ever again!"

Mom: "Why not?"

Little Johnny: "The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!"

The Orgasm One Liner

Q. Why did God create the orgasm?

A. So women can moan even when they’re happy.