The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
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Archive for July, 2011
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
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Franklin D. Roosevelt once said "There is nothing to fear but fear itself ... and Chuck Norris"
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Patty loves to drink at the local bar, but his wife disapproves of this. One night, he's at the bar and he gets extremely drunk. He tries to stand up, but immedeatly falls to the floor. He tries this a few more times, but each time he falls to the floor. People offered to help him, but he said no each time. He finally ended up dragging himself home and sneaking into bed, thinking his wife would never catch him.
The next morning, Patty's wife says, "Patty, you son of a bitch! You were at the bar last night drinking again!"
Patty was confused. "How did you find out?"
"The bar called. You left your wheelchair there."
The next morning, Patty's wife says, "Patty, you son of a bitch! You were at the bar last night drinking again!"
Patty was confused. "How did you find out?"
"The bar called. You left your wheelchair there."
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A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, Just for fun, "Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says: "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies: "The one on the right."
''That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
The mother replies," I didn't like her!"
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says: "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies: "The one on the right."
''That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
The mother replies," I didn't like her!"
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Do you ever get straight A's?
No, but I sometimes get crooked B's!
No, but I sometimes get crooked B's!
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What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.
The man.
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What is the difference between baseball and law?
In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.
In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.
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Yo momma is so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.
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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD". Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got your truck stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got your truck stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
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