Middle age is when you are warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. To sit alone with my conscience will be judgme

– Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

– Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be
glad to feed and walk him every day.

– That outfit isn’t sexy enough, here, unbutton your
blouse.

– Why don’t you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

– The curfew is just a general time to shoot f
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If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse. When your shot has to c

A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wife alive again. He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What the hell took

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re
an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is
let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in hell, and start
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A civil servant is badly hurt, after falling down the stairs at city hall. He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him, "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again."

A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replied, "Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand." Two minutes later the young camel asked, "Mom, why do we

Hillary Clinton goes to a psychic who tells her: "Prepare yourself for widowhood ... Your husband is about to die a violent death."

Mrs. Clinton takes a deep breath and replies: "Will I be acquitted?"

One day in court, the prosecuting lawyer asked the farmer on the witness stand, "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the policeman you had never felt better in your life?" "That's right." The farmer replied. "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when

On a slow day with few customers, a clerk at a telegram office looks down from her counter and sees a dog waiting in line.

“Oh, aren’t you cute?” she says. “What would you like me to put on your telegram?”

“Bow wow wow, Bow wow wow,” the dog replies.

The clerk says in a cutesy voice, “But you
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