What do Michael Jackson and K-Mart have in common?brbrThey both have little boys pants half-off.

In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went to a bathroom-supply store. We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it was near closing time, we had to curtail our discussion and made plans to come back the next day to make our final decision. Later that evening, my

Several racehorses are in a stable. One on them starts boasting about his track record. Of my last 15 races, he says, I've won eight. Another horse breaks in, Well I've won 19 of my last 27! That's good, but I've taken 28 of 36, says another, flicking his tail. At this point, a greyhou

This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company, regarding services of the latter. Gentlemen: I have been riding trains daily for the last twenty-two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on

While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member ofthe congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi,horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk toBernie.Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?

“Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.”"Oh, come on.” says the Rabbi.”YES!” says Bernie.Rabbi: “I don’t believe you. You are just fooling around; that’s not aproper thing to do in temple.”Bernie: “Its true!”..”Ok”, says the Rabbi, “then show me what the dog can do.”"OK” says Bernie nodding to the dog…The dog proceeds to open up thebarrel under his neck and removes a yarmulke, a tallis (puts them on hishead) and prayer book and actually starts saying prayers in Hebrew! TheRabbi is so shocked he listens for a full 15 minutes.When the Rabbi regains his composure, he is so impressed with the qualityof the praying he says to Bernie. “Do you think your dog would considergoing to Rabbinical school?

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“Bernie, throwing up his hands in disgust says,”YOU TALK TO HIM! He wants to be a doctor!”

While participating is the Olympics a young gymnast had her first sexual experience, going to bed with a stunning foreign participant. Upon returning to her hometown, she promptly went to confession. After receiving absolution, the gymnast was so delighted that she did cartwheels down the aisle to the door. Waiting her turn, Old Mrs. Ole said to her friend, “can you believe what Father Johnson is giving for penance?

Of all the days for me not to be wearing panties.”

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor.The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s.As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place:Tower: “Sir, do you need any assistance?

“Cobra: “I don’t know, Tower, we ain’t done crashin’ yet.”

While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s. As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place… Tower: “Sir, do you need any assistance?

” Cobra: “I don’t know Tower, we ain’t done crashin’ yet.”

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.”What is the big brass gong and hammer for?

” one of his friends asked.”That is the talking clock,” the man replied.”How’s it work?

” the friend asked.”Watch,” the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s two AM!”

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, “I wonder why?

“The blonde replied, “Must be because the oil would suffocate them.”

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