What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?brbrSlow down and use a lubricant.

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.brbrHis friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."brbrThe host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.brbrThe farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.brbrThe next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done.brbrThe next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes. At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty.brbrThe farmer asked the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?"brbrThe manager answered: "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions.

A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"brbr"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.brbr"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Why are women so bad at mathematics?brbrBecause men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.

A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wi

A young boy asks his dad: "What's the difference between theorectically and realistically?"brbr"Well son, go and ask your mother if she would sleep with the postman for $1million ..."brbrThe little boy asks his mum and then goes back to his dad: "She said yes ..."brbr"Now go and ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for $2million ..."brbrThe little boy asks his sister: "She said yes, but whats the difference between theoretically and realistically?"brbr"Well son, theorectically we are sitting on $3million ... realistically we are living with a couple of slags!"