Rules of the labbrbr1) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.br2) When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.br3) Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time.br4) First draw your curves, then plot your data.br5) Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.br6) Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working.br7) To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.br8) If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.br9) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.br10) Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.br11) Team work is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.br12) All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.br13) No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example.br14) Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.

My husband had run to the store with our daughters, Sarah (4) and Hannah (2) and on the way home he drove through a neighborhood looking for houses for sale. After a bit Sarah asked, Daddy, what are we doing? My husband said he was looking at the houses that were for sale. Sarah asked Ar

Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measur

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid? I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up. To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each d

Sometimes I feel so inept. Like when there's a baseball player who's worth $250 million, and I can't remember his or her name. Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt. It's better to be poor than to be rich. The rich always have to fear becoming poor, but the poor never have to fear

"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.brbr"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.brbr"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"brbr"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."

How do you save a man from drowning?brbrTake your foot off his head.

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."brbrThen he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."brbrConfused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.brbrThe man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"brbr"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."

Mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning. Nobody in school likes me, he complained. The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians

When I was young I dreamed of being a test pilot. Flying higher, faster, farther. Risking my life for the science of aviation. But when I grew up I found out I wasn't qualified because of my poor eyesight. Now I work in a post office which gives me many of the same thrills. I'm always pushing