Rules of the labbrbr1) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.br2) When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.br3) Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time.br4) First draw your curves, then plot your data.br5) Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.br6) Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working.br7) To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.br8) If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.br9) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.br10) Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.br11) Team work is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.br12) All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.br13) No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example.br14) Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.

The boss at the pub went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!"brbr"Oh no, sir, I sure haven't," replied the bartender.brbrThe boss replied, "Good, then you fire her!"

Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?brbrBecause he comes only once a year, down the chimney.

My husband had run to the store with our daughters, Sarah (4) and Hannah (2) and on the way home he drove through a neighborhood looking for houses for sale. After a bit Sarah asked, Daddy, what are we doing? My husband said he was looking at the houses that were for sale. Sarah asked Ar

Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measur

Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid? I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up. To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each d

Sometimes I feel so inept. Like when there's a baseball player who's worth $250 million, and I can't remember his or her name. Visa is everywhere you want to be, except out of debt. It's better to be poor than to be rich. The rich always have to fear becoming poor, but the poor never have to fear

"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.brbr"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.brbr"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"brbr"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."

What's brown and sits on a piano bench?brbrBeethoven's First Movement.

How do you save a man from drowning?brbrTake your foot off his head.