What is the difference between God and a social worker?brbrGod doesn't pretend to be a social worker.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?brbrA widow.

Why do blondes hate M#38;Ms?brbrThey're too hard to peel.

Harry Truman, when he was U.S President, once addressed the Washington Garden Club and kept referring to 'good manure' that must be used on flowers. Some society ladies complained (later) to the First Lady Margaret Truman, Bess, can't you get the President to say fertilizer instead of manure?

Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends. Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric. Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred

Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends' and relatives' birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on. I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that wo

In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger. Then I don't want it, retorted the customer. I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:brbrHUSBAND WANTED!brMUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),brMUST NOT BEAT ME,brMUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,brAND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!brALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.brbrOn the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"brbrShe snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"brbrShe raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"