Archive for December, 2009

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer? …

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?brbrA brick layer!
What's the difference between a dog howling on the back porch, and a woman howling on the front porch?brbrThe dog shuts up when you let it in.

George W. …

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him.brbrHe turned to Moses and said: "I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"brbrMoses replied: "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!"

First Anniversary

The other day while driving home, after being delayed at my office, I suddenly saw flashing lights in my rearview mirror. The police officer pulled me over for speeding. Hoping for a little leniency I explained to him that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary. But r

What’s the difference between a man and a messy room? …

What's the difference between a man and a messy room?brbrYou can straighten up a messy room.
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day ...brbrOnce they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish.brbrThe game warden told him that this was illegal.brbrThe man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said "Are you going to fish or talk?"

Miracle Dog

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losi

Pay for the Food

There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Mike, the Irish gent, would go out the back of his shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odors coming

Der New 2005 California State Employee Handbook

By Arnold Schwarzenegger SICK DAYS Ve vill no longer accept a doktor's shtatement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doktor, you are able to come to verk. PERSONAL DAYS Each employee vill receive 104 personal days a year. Dey are called Saturday and Sunday. LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get 30 minutes fo
How does natural selection differ from sexual selection?brbrIn distinction to natural selection, sexual selection may be natural, unnatural, or perverted.