The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.
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Q. What’s the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
What did the Sheriff of Nottingham say when Robin fired at him?brbrThat was an arrow escape!
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Rab addressed the ball and took a magnificent swing but somehow, something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted. The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force. He dropped!brbrRab and his partner ran up to the stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious, with the ball between his feet. “Good heavens” said Rab, “what shall I do?”brbr”Don’t move him” said his playing partner, “if we leave him here he becomes an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball as it lies or drop it two club lengths away.”
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What do dolphins and men have in common?brbrThey say that they’re intelligent but no one’s been able to prove that.
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What do you call a sleepwalking nun?brbrA roamin’ Catholic!
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Teacher: “What came after the stone age and the bronze age?”brbrLittle Johnny: “The sausage!”
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Dinner Lady: “Eat up your greens, they are good for your skin.”brbrPupil: “But I don’t want green skin!”
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Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ”Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ”God Almighty!” shouted Mary and the teacher said, ”Very good” and Mary fell back to sleep.brbrA while later the teacher asked Mary, ”Who is our Lord and Savior?” But Mary didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ”Jesus Christ!” shouted Mary and the teacher said, ”Very good,” and Mary fell back to sleep.brbrThen the teacher asked Mary a third question, ”What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ”If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”
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4 people in the carriage of a train – an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.brbrIt all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there’s the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there’s a huge red mark on his cheek.brbrThe old lady thinks: “I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him.”brbrThe pretty young blonde thinks: “I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him.”brbrThe Frenchman thinks: “I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me.”brbrThe Englishman thinks: “I hope there’s another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French twat again.”
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