What’s Bill Clinton’s idea of safe sex?
When Hillary is out of town.
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Archive for June, 2009
A Rabbi who was late for a golf game was rather short tempered with several people whose phone calls kept delaying him.
The next day his secretary said “Rabbi, several members of the congregation were really upset with you when you cut them short yesterday.”
At that point, a man who had been sitting within earshot in the reception room got up and departed hurriedly.
“Who was that?” asked the Rabbi.
“Oh, that was Mr. Ruthenberg.” she answered. “He wanted to speak to you about a circumcision for his son.”
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Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:
“We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
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Lawyer: “Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence.”
Judge: “And what is the nature of the new evidence?”
Lawyer: “Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left.”
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Chuck Norris doesn’t use condoms. He uses a live rattlesnake.
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A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa”
The cop asked, “What’s he like?”
The little boy replied, “Jack Daniels and women with big tits.”
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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One attractive young businesswoman to another, over lunch:
My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying.
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When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
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What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
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