What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
1) A roomful – they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the ramifications of the change.
2) None, they like to keep employees in the dark.
3) "This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile …"
4) "We've formed a task-force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder."
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On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
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Ever notice how so many of women's problems can be traced to the male gender?
1) MENstruation
2) MENopause
3) MENtal breakdown
4) GUYnecology
5) HIMmorrhoids
…
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A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies: "Autumn."
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A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the "uppity". Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church."
The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"
The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."
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Q: What did the blond customer say after reading the buxom waitress' name tag?
A: “'Debbie'…that's cute. What did you name the other one?''
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Democratic political operatives have already started digging for dirt on Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. John McCain announced her as his choice for Vice-President on Friday, and the spin doctors are on the hunt.
Palin’s experience in beauty pageants…
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David Duchovny, who plays an oversexed man on cable TV’s Californication, admitted himself into a rehab clinic on Thursday for treatment of sex addiction. A recent poll of 52,675 American men reveals that none of them felt any pity.
“I would say…
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DAYTON, Ohio – Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain introduced his running mate, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, at a raucous rally Friday, praising her “well groomed cuticles ” and “skill” in arranging matching outfits.”
“She is exactly w…
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