April 18, 1994br /br /Mr. John T. Monganbr /123 Main Streetbr /Smalltown, California 94123-4567br /Dear John:br /br /You’ve got the grades. You’ve certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you’ve got a letter from MIT. Maybe you’re surprised. Most students would be. But you’re not most students. And that’s exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.br /br /The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!br /br /Engineering’s not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.br /br /What? Of course, you don’t want to be bored. Who does? Life here *is* tough *and* demanding, but it’s also *fun*. MIT students are imaginative and creative – inside and outside the classroom.br /br /You’re interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams – 39 – than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.br /br /You think we’re too expensive? Don’t be too sure. We’ve got surprises for you there, too.br /br /Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?br /br /Sincerely,br /br /Michael C. Benhkebr /Director of Admissionsbr /br /P.S. If you’d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, “Insight,” just check the appropriate box on the form.br /br /br /br /May 5, 1994br /br /Michael C. Behnkebr /MIT Director of Admissionsbr /Office of Admissions, Room 3-108br /Cambridge MA 02139-4307br /br /Dear Michael:br /You’ve got the reputation. You’ve certainly got the pomposity. And now you’ve got a letter from John Mongan. Maybe you’re surprised. Most universities would be. But you’re not most universities. And that’s exactly why I urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective that he will choose only *one* of the thousands of accredited universities in the country.br /br /The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility for John Mongan’s future education. It certainly got my attention!br /br /Don’t want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.br /br /What? Of course you don’t want egotistical jerks. Who does? I *am* self-indulgent *and* over confident, but I’m also amusing. John Mongan is funny and amusing – whether you’re laughing with him or at him.br /br /You’re interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played more sports – 47 – than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as Orienteering.br /br /You think I can pay for your school? Don’t be too sure. I’ve got surprises for you there, too.br /br /Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why not do it right now?br /br /br /Sincerely,br /John Monganbr /br /P.S. If you’d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, “John Mongan: What a Guy!” just ask.div class=”blogger-post-footer”img width=’1′ height=’1′ src=’https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28021843-5162014350510603192?l=jokevault.blogspot.com’//divdiv class=”feedflare”
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An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.br /br /His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:br /br /Dear Vincent, br /I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.br /br /I know if you were here my troubles would be over… I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.br /Love, Papabr /br /A few days later he received a letter from his son…br /br /br /Dear Pop,br /Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.br /Love,br /Vinniebr /br / br /At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.br /br /br /That same day the old man received another letter from his son.br /br /Dear Pop,br /Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. br /br /Love you,br /br /Vinniediv class=”blogger-post-footer”img width=’1′ height=’1′ src=’https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28021843-4729519626134942163?l=jokevault.blogspot.com’//divdiv class=”feedflare”
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1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?br /br /br /br / 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?br /br /br /br / 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?br /br /br /br / 4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?br /br /br /br / 5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?br /br /br /br / 6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?br /br /br /br / 7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?br /br /br /br / 8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?br /br /br /br / 9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?br /br /br /br / 10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?br /br /br /br / 11. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one? (I like this one alot!)br /br /br /br / 12. ‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?br /br /br /br / 13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?br /br /br /br / 14. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered if Chinese mothers use toothpicks?br /br /br /br / 14. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the post?br /br /br /br / 16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.br /br /br /br / 17. No one ever says, ‘It’s only a game’ when their team is winning.br /br /br /br / 18. Ever wonder about those people who spend two pound a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards:br /br /br /br / 19. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?br /br /br /br / 20. If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea, does that mean that 1 enjoys it?br /br /br /br / 21. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo?div class=”blogger-post-footer”img width=’1′ height=’1′ src=’https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/28021843-759825082677853714?l=jokevault.blogspot.com’//divdiv class=”feedflare”
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