Q. Why doesn’t Smokey the Bear have any kids?

A. Everytime his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

Whats the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?brbrThe used car salesman knows when he's lying.

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.brbrWhen they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"brbr"What? You're crazy!"brbr"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."brbr"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor ..."brbr"At this time of the night? No one will show up ..."brbr"I've already said No, and NO!"brbr"Honey, it's just a small blowie ... I know you'd like it, too ..."brbr"No! I've said NO!"brbr"My love ... Don't be like that ..."brbrAt this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.brbr"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.brbr"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"brbr"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred. All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of

iNational Lottery Jet Set/i Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.? Contestant: William Shakespeare. iChris Searle Show, BBC Radio Bristol/i Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Searle: I did say which Eur

iThe Weakest Link /i Anne Robinson: In traffic, what J is where two roads meet? Contestant: Jool carriageway. Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius? Contestant: Bombay. Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes? Contestant: Crocodiles. Robinson: Wh.

* Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor--and you don't care. * You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket. * Popsicle's become a food s

Two young blonde women were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one ball about three feet from the cup, while the other ball somehow had gone directly in.brbrThe blondes tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling.brbrAfter hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions the pro asked, "Okay, so who was playing the yellow ball?"